More Food

Life has a way of spinning you around so fast that time flies and you find yourself completely lost on the other side, wondering how on earth you got there.

That pretty much describes the next few years of my life. Babies, babies, babies. Oh, how I loved them babies!

Nearly all my efforts went into the care and raising of our babies. I didn't get out much, but I kept rather busy with the babies.

By the time a fourth baby was born, I was plum worn out! I loved my family, but I was tired. I could tell you all about cloth diapers vs. disposable, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, hospital birth vs. homebirth, vaccinations, VBACs, Diaper rash cream, etc, but I couldn't even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror.

She was a stranger to me. She didn't look like me. She was fat and lazy. She wore frumpy old lady clothes. I didn't like her at all.

But I trudged forward.

One day I found myself crying into a bucket of ice cream--probably fudge swirl--(I preferred not to eat out of a bowl---when you eat out of a bucket, you don't really know how much you ate) while the babies napped and I watched Oprah. I cried off and on for the next several days.

Finally, I had had it. I was getting ready to take a shower (again, while babies napped) and stopped to look in the mirror---now, you need to understand that I had tried my darndest to avoid mirrors for several years, yet somehow I was drawn to the mirror on this particular day. I looked at my face and my body and began to cry. Then, with tears having streaked my cheeks, I looked at myself in the eyes and said, "I hate you!" through gritted teeth.

Backing away, I felt wounded---by myself. Slowly I walked back to the mirror and looked at myself again. This time with a little less anger. This time I said, "I'm not doing this anymore! This has GOT to change!"

And I did.

I went into the kitchen and bagged up every bit of junk food (sugar cereals, chips, fruit snacks, etc). I knew it wouldn't affect my husband Rolly because he had long given up sweets for blood sugar related issues. It wouldn't affect the kids because they were small and didn't really care what I fixed (and I had been careful for them to not eat too much junk).

I went mostly low-carb. I went with the mantra "If it's white, it's not alright" or some such nonsense.

I lost 50lbs.

My friends and in-laws complimented my weight loss while my family worried that I had "gone Anorexic". Rolly was steadfast; he loved me when I was at my highest and at my lowest. He was my strength.

I had more weight I needed to lose, but I hit a plateau and the scale wouldn't budge. Though I was 50lbs lighter, I found myself with many of the same feelings I had back at the mirror.

To find out which fad diet I tried next, stay tuned...